Sometimes goodbyes really are forever

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Kareshi

21 October 2007
11:51 AM

You always asked me why I never wrote a blog about you. And my answers never satisfy you. I’m not good in writing blogs…and not even telling a story. I never had any talent in doing those. My stories, as I relay them, always lack essence. More often that not, I ran out of words and the language I used were never enough to tell how I feel exactly and how good or tragic it was.

I never wrote about you, about us, because I wasn’t really expecting an ending. With you, I believed in happily-ever-after. That was an illusion you made me believe, and I hang onto that. Not just because you made me believe, it is because I want to. But then again, illusion breaks, and what comes along with that is my greatest heartache ever. And this would mean the end of our story.

I met you January 5, 2003. It was a fine afternoon. I’m at school, and so were you. Humanities Class. SW301. Mapua Institute of Technology. You were waving your hands at everyone and laughing with your friends while introducing yourself. That picture was stuck in my mind. Seating arrangement. Why do they have that in college? Cleofe-Coronel. We end up sitting next to each other. I don’t like you back then, because you’re not a gentleman (remember when you yelled at Karla?) And so the story goes.

It was just plainly you and me. Just friends. And we became us. One month of courtship is too long for you. We had our share of ups and downs. We started like it’s you and me against the world. My family didn’t like you and so are my friends (the gentile-thingy). And vice versa. I remember saying to my mom when she threatens not to let me go to college if I don’t break up with you, “Eh di patigilin mo. I’m not breaking up with him. And you can’t do anything about it.”

Indeed I’m a spoiled brat. I chose to be under Disciplinary Actions for being committed to you. But after sometime, I honestly don’t know how you do it, but you finally won the heart of my family and even my friends. Even up to the point wherein if we fight, my mom chooses your side (and even up to now). My brothers love you more than they love me. You got some magic, and I swear it was sooooo good.

You made me say “yes” because you cried. Honestly. That was my weakness. I never want to see a man cry.

To be continued… (I gotta run…we’re playing badminton today…Later!)

2007H / 11th of November 2007 / apartment

I’m writing on this blog again after several days. I fear I won’t be able to give justice to the past. And I can’t write anymore…..

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23rd of November 2007 — 08:08pm — at my apartment

I remember everything. From the time you were introduced to me, the moment you got my number (and saved it incorrectly), then you texted me as I was going home asking where I am, to the time you cried, when I met Mama Ging, Irhene and Ivy, when you introduced me to your friends in Donsol as “payaba ko”, when I met Jeff and Papa Donnie for the first time, Papa Franie, Ate Malu and Kuya Dois, Kuya Alex, to the moment the M3 people called me wrecker (the truck thingy) coz I always try to let you stop playing counterstrike…haha! From the time you first held my hand when we were crossing the street on our way to Ate Cathy’s dorm (I don’t know if you know that I don’t know how to cross the street. I always cross the street carelessly, can be compared to how impulsive I am.) I remember how you taught me how to eat isaw and balat in Instrucion. After a long day, we’ll go there, eat isaw and ihaw-ihaw and drink an ice cold mountain dew. You toured me around town. I don’t know Manila. All I know is Intramuros, Buendia, and Laguna…haha! And Moret Street in front of UST.  I remember when my class ends at 9pm and your class ends at 6 or 7:30. How you’d wait for me…para lang ihatid ako…and go back to Manila, everyday. I don’t know if I was able to thank you enough for everything you did for me. How you dragged me to go on vacations, Cavite and Batangas, just to let me out of my boring life.

I remembered also when you cheated. Quantum. SM 4th floor. You were playing arcade and I was holding your cell phone, received a text from Jaloo. How you denied everything and eventually told me the truth. I noticed how your face loses color. I was ready to let you go then if not for the hand-written letter you sent me.

I remember the first time we broke up because of Ragnarok, the time we got back together after 8 months. And broke up again after 9 months, and this time, it became for good.

I remember everything…and I’m writing this coz I know I’ll soon forget all about you, the past and everything in it.

I want to thank you for introducing me to your family. I want to let you know that they are the ones consoling me now. Tita Weng and Papa Michael. Thanks for spending my 23rd birthday with me. Thanks for spending a week with me. I know it was indeed a roller coaster ride. But definitely it was something I’m going to treasure forever.

I’m sorry.

We are the decisions we made. I will always be a friend. Much has been said and done. I did everything and I know time will come that I’ll go back and remember everything again. It’s just good to know that I would not regret anything. I only regret the things I did not do or failed to do, and I know I did everything I can.

It’s time to let go. I still believe in happily ever after. So I pray that you and Isabel will have a good future together. Learn to be patient with her. I know you have a lot of doubts about her. But give her chance to prove herself and talk her through it. You’re pushy. And she loves you so much. Much more than I do. Or I guess she just love you the way you want to be loved. Don’t cheat and love her with all your heart. You’re going to have kids soon. Be mature. It’s going to be a new phase. I just want you happy above anything else.

Goodbye Kareshi…Jet’aime….Mahal ko…