Shweep

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

Alot of people wonder how do I manage to be awake for one whole day and shweep for one whole day as well….What motivates me to stay awake at one time and shweep as if I never want to wake up anymore.

It has something to do with motivation. Whether my eyes will remain wide open or shut.

Have you ever tried to look at your life from the outside? Or the other way around?

I keep on motivating myself to wake up  everyday and how I do this I don’t know.

I never felt so alone in my entire life, like I am right now. As if everyone has intend to leave me and see if I can stand on my own…Even though they know so well that I can’t go on if I’m on my own. Mean people. That’s what they do. They knock and knock and knock some more till you open your life to them, and the next thing you know is they are nowhere to be seen. Gone for good. They promised and let you promise that they won’t leave nor should you, and the child in me always want to believe the good in everyone.

 I’m not a mature person. I’m so gullible and there were alot of times that I so hate myself for that. The next time it comes, I will never open up or let my guards down. I have learned the rule of preservation which contradicts the rule of being happy.  Even so, it’s yet to be known.

Should I live a life of equilibrium but not really live at all? Or experience life as a bliss and have my heart broken? I’ve experienced both and I know I can’t have all the good. It’s just that I’ll never get used to having my heart broken everytime. My heart breaks even on the smallest things. And they don’t want me for that.

All I want is someone who I can share my life with…Is that too much to ask?