Walang iwanan….Keeping my promise….

Saturday, May 24th, 2008

To the people who was wondering why I’m not like myself this week, was because of this email. It has opened all the feelings I kept bottled inside me for the longest time. Welcome to my world. This is who I really am. You just don’t know me. Take it or leave it. Your call.

I was about to sleep when I received the email. I saw the subject, and then the sender. Seeing it, tears start welling down my face even before I had the chance to read the first word “I”. Everything was like going in slow mo…I can hear the clock ticking and my own breathe…My head spinning…

He is the guy that was mentioned on one of my blogs. My first boyfriend, my bestfriend, my companion, my enemy, my crying shoulder. For the past six months, I kept wondering why he decided to marry the girl. I had a lot of questions though I never asked, not because I’m afraid. But because I know that even my questions were answered, they wouldn’t mean anything anymore. Nothing would change.

When I started reading the email,  everything came back like I’m having a flashback of the past year. The past year that changed my life forever. The past year that brought me the greatest pain I ever had in my entire life. I’ve read the mail more than twenty times already, and everytime I read it, tears run down my face.  It is a wild mixture of emotions…sadness, relief, happiness, thankfulness and regret. For six months, I’ve been wondering why it happened. I had become someone I’m not.

For years, eversince I graduated from college, I’ve been wanting to hear this words from him. And for the past couple of years, this has become my motivation, “I’M GUNNA MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME SOMEDAY.”

“Im so proud of you bhe…Just remember this, there is none to be compared to you..

and even if we are not togehter..I will always have you here..in my memories..

that once upon a time..I have you in my arms..”

Thanks to the email, I can now be who I really am and not be afraid that people won’t like me or accept me for who I am. I can start my life anew. Without thinking about my past, without it withholding me from what the future holds.

To Noel:

You are my greatest lover. Thanks for loving me before, for the forgiveness, for being my living testimony, for wishing me the best, for being my bestfriend above anything else, and always praying for me. I won’t regret being with you in the past. I pray that you have all the best life has to offer. Once in my life you are mine…and that’s enough. I’ll never go, I’ll be here though it’s not gunna be like before. But I’m still here. Will always listen. As promised, “walang iwanan.”

Till my last breath that I swear to God. 

God bless.