I’m not that strong….

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

There were alot of times when people chooses other people over me. Why? Because they think I’m strong.

Things start to make sense now…For several months I’ve been living like hell. I know it doesn’t make sense anymore to think about those, but my second mind is looking for answers. And as God reveals the reasons to me gradually, it breaks my heart to the smallest pieces known to humankind. But then in the process, it also allows me to just let go, without holding back, this time without any regrets. My greatest heartache ever is slowly fading. The man who caused it is also the same man who is healing it. I should say he is my greatest testimony ever. God changed him, from a boyfriend/bestfriend to a bestfriend/prayer partner/adviser.

When I asked him why he chose Isabel, it breaks my heart to see these words. The hard acceptance of it comes right after the realization that we both can’t do anything about it anymore. Thy will be done.

In the state of choosing between unbeliever and believer..i choose her because I know you are already in the right way..you know tha way, even if im gone, I know you can still praise God and worship him and give thanks to him..dont get me wrong..

I love her, even if im thinking bkit sya ang pipiliin ko? kahit mahal ko sya kaya kong baguhin un..pero bkit d ko nagawa?

I know when i choose you, I will be very happy..Im the luckiest guy!

but you know what? Everytime ha, everytime that i will think na iwan si Isabel at bumalik sau..

God will always convict me, he will always put into my mind, "If you leave her, she will be worst than before"

But if i leave you, you can survive and surpass the trial..

bhe please dont blame me..you will always be my bhebhe..in my heart i keep us..

but i have to follow what is right, and that time, im afraid na kapag binalikan kita..baka d ko maibigay ung dating pagmamahal ko na hinahanp ko..

at baka d parin kita mapasaya..=(