I lay my heart and my future to you my God

Monday, July 27th, 2009

Knowing myself, I know how to express myself in writing. I express my feelings through blogging and after that, I usually feel lighter. Free from worries and pains of this damned world. But these past few weeks were different. No matter how much heart I put in writing, or how many tears fell while I’m writing, it still hurts. And the pain won’t go. The only good I can see in this suffering is that I read the bible always. I’ve never read my bible this much before. I can’t go to sleep at night without reading God’s word. I may be looking for answers to my questions, or I probably read through the answers a thousand times. God’s word is giving me comfort that no man can ever give.

Zephaniah 3:17-20

17 The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in You, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. 18 “The sorrows for the appointed feasts I will remove from you; they are a burden and a reproach to you. 19 At that time I will deal with all who oppressed you; I will rescue the lame and gather those who have been scattered. I will give them praise and honor in every land where they were put to shame. 20 At that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home. I will give you honor and praise among all the peoples of the earth when I restore your fortunes before your very eyes,” says the Lord.

Dear Lord,

 I can’t cry hard enough. My tears won’t fall anymore, and my heart has been crushed. Have mercy on me for my soul is slowly dying. Have mercy on me and pretty please take this pain away. I can only endure so much. You have been carrying my cross for the past two weeks. If it was for my own strength I would have passed out already. Hear my cry O God, attend unto my prayer. From the ends of the Earth will I cry out to Thee….Lord, please have mercy on me. I love you Lord. When all have left and fallen out of love, You still love me. Have mercy on me and forgive me for my iniquities. I know I fell short and I’m guilty. Please help me to just let go. I just want to feel your loving embrace right now.